I had a friend who had nothing going for him and was bitter about his bleak life. I was the only bright spot. Ultimately, the friendship imploded because he resented my engagement with other people and activities.
I can relate because I have encounter many such people myself. You can't do much when people have a sense of jealousy against you. The only thing you can do is to avoid.
I cherish the friends that I've had for decades. I don't have that many that live near me so I really appreciate the closeness that you've achieved. Yes, we become like our friends, so best to choose wisely and treat them as we would be treated. When that works, it's golden!
I used to live in France and during those times my friends were far away and gatherings were far and few. That’s why
I missed Singapore. When you are in Singapore everything is less than an hour car ride away. Friends, family, work and even leisure. Convenience has made life much enjoyable here. Of course I also miss some of the trade offs I have to sacrifice here.
I used to be competitive and I won’t celebrate my competitor’s success. But the more I resent, the less successful I become. My mentor once told me you will truly unleash your potential only if you have reached your career endpoint. That is when you won’t keep competing for your next promotion. If you stop competing and start treating everyone else as your friend rather than your competitor. You will receive help from other people and because you don’t take your friends for granted, can you imagine how far you can go with all these help?
Another type (maybe it’s just a variation of one you’ve already mentioned) is the person who will invite you to their party and tell you to be there at a certain time.
When you arrive you find you’re the only one there. The host(ess) excuses themself by saying they were sure they told you the later hour.
But now that you’re here could you help me (take your choice): A) make the dinner, B) be a dear and buy these groceries, C) help me get organized (I am such a scatterbrain) or D) all of the above?
My girlfriend and I got suckered into this once. I was ready to bail but this woman was a friend of my girlfriend so I went along.
But once we were alone I explained what I saw going on. She understood but didn’t want to hurt the woman’s feelings so I said I’d be the bad guy and tell the friend that we were on to her.
Somehow I find your encounter very relatable. There was someone I know who did that to her friends as well. She is unlikely to have a circle of close friends, most of her acquaintances didn’t go beyond friends, cos she is only interested in her own success and would gladly step on anyone who is willing to bend in front of her. It is sad, they will most likely to be a loner for the rest of their life.
So true my friend. Many times we say “oh that’s just the way they are” but if we notice a constant negative vibe from someone, we should draw closer to those who offer positive vibe.
We should also make note of those who talk down to others. Your career or net worth doesn’t mean that your life is worth more than the person serving you.
I have to check myself when it comes to complaining. I've discovered that I did it a lot without realizing it. Mostly because I couldn't find anything positive to talk about. The past few years I've tried to be more conscious of what I say and even if it's true, try not to say anything that might come across as depressive.
Always being positive is exhausting, but I try to celebrate the good things when they happen, whether to me or someone else. I look for the success of others and encourage whenever I can. Taking stock of our own outlook on life and choosing what direction to take it determines whether we stay in the bitter darkness or travel towards well lit roads.
I had a friend who had nothing going for him and was bitter about his bleak life. I was the only bright spot. Ultimately, the friendship imploded because he resented my engagement with other people and activities.
I can relate because I have encounter many such people myself. You can't do much when people have a sense of jealousy against you. The only thing you can do is to avoid.
Yep. You tend to become like the folks you hang with. Good write. Thanks.
Thank you Donald.🙏
I cherish the friends that I've had for decades. I don't have that many that live near me so I really appreciate the closeness that you've achieved. Yes, we become like our friends, so best to choose wisely and treat them as we would be treated. When that works, it's golden!
I used to live in France and during those times my friends were far away and gatherings were far and few. That’s why
I missed Singapore. When you are in Singapore everything is less than an hour car ride away. Friends, family, work and even leisure. Convenience has made life much enjoyable here. Of course I also miss some of the trade offs I have to sacrifice here.
Really knowing when and how to cut toxic people out of your life is such a valuable skill.
Thank you my friend.
Great read thanks.
I totally agree. Life is too short to surround yourself with people who don’t live by your values.
Thank you Martin.
Well put !
🙏
If you can't find a real friend, it's much better to be by your lonesome self.
Very true.
“The kind of people you choose to hang out with will be the sort of people you will become. It is most important to choose your friend wisely”
So true. Great piece. Thanks for sharing your view.
I wonder how to change, if I’m often jealous of others’ success. And if I struggle to celebrate.
Any experiences you would like to share?
I used to be competitive and I won’t celebrate my competitor’s success. But the more I resent, the less successful I become. My mentor once told me you will truly unleash your potential only if you have reached your career endpoint. That is when you won’t keep competing for your next promotion. If you stop competing and start treating everyone else as your friend rather than your competitor. You will receive help from other people and because you don’t take your friends for granted, can you imagine how far you can go with all these help?
The challenge for me is that I might do that in a non work related setting.
Hence the field of competition is difficult to identify. It might be envy for someone else’s confidence, or relationships.
So I don’t know what my “endpoint” is. Waiting to feel fully confident seems like an impossible target...
Another type (maybe it’s just a variation of one you’ve already mentioned) is the person who will invite you to their party and tell you to be there at a certain time.
When you arrive you find you’re the only one there. The host(ess) excuses themself by saying they were sure they told you the later hour.
But now that you’re here could you help me (take your choice): A) make the dinner, B) be a dear and buy these groceries, C) help me get organized (I am such a scatterbrain) or D) all of the above?
My girlfriend and I got suckered into this once. I was ready to bail but this woman was a friend of my girlfriend so I went along.
But once we were alone I explained what I saw going on. She understood but didn’t want to hurt the woman’s feelings so I said I’d be the bad guy and tell the friend that we were on to her.
Somehow I find your encounter very relatable. There was someone I know who did that to her friends as well. She is unlikely to have a circle of close friends, most of her acquaintances didn’t go beyond friends, cos she is only interested in her own success and would gladly step on anyone who is willing to bend in front of her. It is sad, they will most likely to be a loner for the rest of their life.
Thank you!
Thanks!
So true my friend. Many times we say “oh that’s just the way they are” but if we notice a constant negative vibe from someone, we should draw closer to those who offer positive vibe.
We should also make note of those who talk down to others. Your career or net worth doesn’t mean that your life is worth more than the person serving you.
Have a great weekend!
Thank you my friend. Happy to know my words click with you. Have a great weekend ahead.
Great read. Love it.
🙏
I have to check myself when it comes to complaining. I've discovered that I did it a lot without realizing it. Mostly because I couldn't find anything positive to talk about. The past few years I've tried to be more conscious of what I say and even if it's true, try not to say anything that might come across as depressive.
Always being positive is exhausting, but I try to celebrate the good things when they happen, whether to me or someone else. I look for the success of others and encourage whenever I can. Taking stock of our own outlook on life and choosing what direction to take it determines whether we stay in the bitter darkness or travel towards well lit roads.