The kind of story I tell myself to keep going

I might have gone down the blind alleys several times, chasing after illusions, went astray, but thankfully each time, I was able to find my way back.

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

My writing is nothing great.

I am not your regular writer. I am no journalist, not a book writer and not a storyteller. It always makes me wonder why am I writing? What is it that I am after on this writing journey?

The very first time I wrote anything lengthy for leisure was during my university days almost 30 years ago. During that time, I was courting a girl, she was in Singapore, and I was in the UK. There weren’t emails then, no video calls and no iMessages. The only way to communicate through such long distances affordably was through snail mail.

Back then, postage was computed based on letter weight, and in order not to incur additional postage, I had to limit each letter to no more than three pieces of paper; three pages if single-sided or six pages when double-sided. Factoring in the time for the mail to reach Singapore and for the reply to reach back to the UK, I averaged writing one letter every two weeks. It took a lot of time and effort for me to produce one letter, and it was the potential to get into a relationship that fueled my passion to continue writing.

I have used the word ‘produce’ because writing a letter then was like filming. There were multiple steps, from scripting the storyline to pre-production, production, post-production, and finally, mailing it out. Just like filming, there were a lot of retakes. We take for granted the ease of writing today—to correct on the fly or change the script by simply cutting and pasting. Back then, if I wasn’t pleased with the outcome, I had to rewrite the entire letter by hand. It was a lot of work.

Such a writing pattern continued for two full years, and the length of my letters grew from three pages to six pages by the end of the second year. My handwriting also shrunk from the initial cursive BLOCK LETTERS down to tiny words readable only through a reading glass. I was packing ten pages worth of information into the regular six pages sized letter to avoid additional postage.

Sadly, in the end, I didn’t win a girlfriend. I blamed it on my unskilful writing, but I never regret writing. Since then, I only wrote occasionally to reflect and to jot down new year’s resolutions. But, I found myself writing more lately, still fond of this wonderful process.

When I started writing online, I was blinded by Medium's business model and chased after stats and trends. To make money, I wrote things that people want to read, and the titles of my articles were always filled with identifiable clickbait keywords. I wasn’t the only one, head on over to Medium.com, and I can assure you 50% of the titles you see are still in this category.

I was writing about habits I never believed in or money I never made. The audience I gained on Medium wasn’t interested in me; they were in love with themselves. I wasn’t a writer there; I was a salesperson, selling annoying clickbaits, impossible habits and unsustainable strategies that were not meant for everyone.

After a year of wandering, I decided to call it quits. I want to be a writer, not a scammer. I might have gone down the blind alleys a couple of times, chasing after illusions, went astray, but thankfully each time, I was able to find my way back.

It has been my dream to make it here on Substack, writing what I enjoy. But this journey has not been easy. Apparently, I am not the only one; even the Hoarse Whisperer, who is immensely popular on Substack, can have tough times too.

“Being a writer. Making enough to survive. Being on at least a path toward this being sustainable. I’ve written at length about how difficult that has been and how much harder it has gotten over these past few months. A month ago, I wrote a piece called “I Am Presently Failing” about the terror of it. The uncertainty. The swelling fear that I may simply crash and burn here.” by Hoarse Whisperer 

Sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror, I see a persistent fighter—someone who, despite all the disappointment and hardship, continues with the journey relentlessly.

Photo by Raphaël Biscaldi on Unsplash

The lonely and windy road for unknown writers like many of us to make it on Substack is a path riddled with many twists and turns, blind alleys and pitfalls. Unlike professional writers who can easily begin with a headstart, writers like us have to start from ground zero—laying our foundation one brick at a time. It is a journey destined to be painfully slow and filled with many discouraging setbacks.

Without a solid foundation, starting up a writing gig is going to be a daunting task that many new writers can attest to, yet it also offers a blank canvas for a fresh persona to flourish. Without old baggage, it is an opportunity to shape unique perspectives and craft our new literary identity.

My path as a Substack writer is filled with self-doubts, disappointments, frustrations and unclear directions. If you are hoping to make it on this road, this is the first cruel reality that you must understand and accept. Navigating through the complexities of these challenges would be what you have to tackle and overcome on a daily basis. You must learn to persevere and embrace rejection, disappointment and criticism as opportunities for growth.

Being a rookie also means you have to find your niche, a space where you can have an advantage over other writers. To get there, you must have the interest and passion to explore various genres, styles, and subjects. In this exploration, you are certain to encounter many blind alleys where ideas fail to take root or writing styles feel forced and unnatural. While these moments can be discouraging, they are necessary for self-discovery. By recognizing what doesn't resonate, you can narrow your focus and move closer to finding your true style.

Failure is an inevitable part of this journey. I have crashed and burnt many times, but each time it happens, I will wipe my own tears and pick myself back up. This is part and parcel of the journey that I have chosen. If you are afraid of failure, don’t be a writer.

Unappreciated pieces, unsuccessful pitches, and unfinished drafts are common occurrences. Learn to deal with them. Don’t complain to the world about life being unfair; learn to accept the unfairness in life. Instead of succumbing to disappointment, always view these failures as valuable learning experiences. Each unsuccessful attempt hones your skills, refines your writing style, and builds up your resilience.

While I am no great writer, I have been through enough hardship to have a positive attitude that enables me to embrace failure as a stepping stone to success. The ability to survive hardship is what allows me to persevere and grow stronger.

The journey may feel painfully slow, and success may seem elusive, but by consistently putting pen to paper and honing your craft, you can increase the chances of making your mark. Writing is a continuous process of improvement. With each word, sentence, and story, you can develop your voice and strengthen your storytelling abilities.

My writing path might have been lonely and windy. However, within the depths of this journey lie immense opportunities. It is through this endeavour I have grown in wisdom and strength to be able to write not just consistently but confidently.

Success will not come overnight, but through relentless dedication and an unyielding belief in your abilities, you can defy the odds. Every article written brings you one step closer to realizing your dreams. Keep writing, for success will surely come.

This is the kind of story I tell myself every day to keep going.

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If my story resonates with you, it would mean the world to me if you upgrade your subscription, share my story or refer a friend. My journey has not been easy, and I appreciate every little help I can get.