My friendship with defeat
We learn more from defeat than we do from success
We yearned for victory; I do not know of anyone who doesn’t. This is because of the way our society and our educational system have cultivated us. They taught us to pursue our dreams and imprinted on us a mindset that if we worked hard enough and never gave up, we would eventually realise our dreams.
We were taught everything about winning, and we look forward to being a winner.
When there is a winner, inevitably, there will also be a bunch of losers. The irony is our system has never taught us sufficiently about losing and how to handle them. We don’t know enough about defeat that we fear finding ourselves in it or associating ourselves with it in any form.
In my life, I don’t have much luck in winning. Everything that I set up to challenge myself, I almost never win. Even if I did well, I am behind somebody, and I am always disappointed in one sense or the other.
In all my years, I never thought I would make friends with defeat. Yet, regardless of what I do, I am sure to meet this friend along the way. Initially, it was difficult to face the constant setbacks, failures, and disappointments. The fear of failure and the frustration of not achieving desired outcomes took a toll on my spirit. As I learned more about this friend of mine, I realized that he is an essential companion in my life. Just as light cannot exist without darkness, success cannot truly be felt without suffering the torment of defeat.
Each time my friend came to visit, I had the choice to either succumb to despair or rise above it. My friend always made me choose the latter in tears, helped me nurture my mental strength, and made me learn from my mistakes by heart. Defeat became my powerful teacher, imparting valuable lessons about my weaknesses, strengths, and the areas where I needed to improve.
These days, as I confront my struggles, I know my friend looms nearby, ready to set me back with valuable lessons. Yet I am not deterred. I find solace in knowing that I am not alone in these struggles. Many great minds and achievers have faced similar setbacks, and their encounters with defeat inspired me to persevere. I learned the best way to handle my friend is to face him head-on, looking forward to the lessons it is going to teach me and the better person I am going to become through the process.
This profound change of mindset shifted my view of defeat, recognizing it as a personal mentor, helping to prepare me for the future and develop my resilience to rise each time life knocked me down. This newfound perspective fueled my determination to bounce back with renewed vigour. Time and again, I was reminded that the key to overcoming defeat is to be comfortable when it looms nearby and show no fear in its presence.
My friendship with defeat fostered a deeper sense of gratitude for the moments of accomplishment that followed. Each conquest became sweeter, as I understood the effort and perseverance it took to reach that point. My mind became a fortress, unwavering in the face of adversity, and my resilience became a guiding light, showing the way through the darkest moments.
I didn’t learn much from my winning, but I have learned to be confident in the face of my friend. Defeat has been a great mentor that has guided me through a transformative growing-up experience. It has not only strengthened my mind but also instilled a sense of humility, compassion, and empathy. I've come to realize that defeat is not the end of the road but a necessary friend in this self-discovery process.
As I continue this lifelong friendship, I embrace defeat as an integral part of my journey, knowing that it has shaped me into the best version of myself.
While I embrace defeat as a friend, I will never admit defeat.
Are you also a friend of defeat?
If my story resonates with you, it would mean the world to me if you upgrade your subscription, share my story or refer a friend. My journey has not been easy, and I appreciate every little help I can get.
.
Nowhere is this overwhelming desire to win every time more blatant than in sports. Every team is judged purely on their win and loss record. Although mistakes which contribute to a loss are referenced by fans and coaches as lessons each error ultimately is viewed as a nail in the coffin of many an athlete or coach, offset by only a win of equal or greater magnitude.
I believe this is the arena in which children learn this attitude.
For every winner there are a thousand losers.