On First Friends and The Heartbreak That Comes When They Leave
From next-door neighbors to worlds apart
This article was first published by Melissa Frost on Coffee Times Medium; Published with permission from Author.
“You’re moving?”
And just like that, my five-year-old’s world changed. His best friend and closest neighbor has just told him they’re moving to a city very, very far away.
“So far that he can never, ever come back!” my son cries.
I try saying that they can always come back to visit and that our door is always open. But very far in this case is all to a different state, about a ten-hour drive away. And that’s worlds apart for someone his age.
Inseparable
My five-year-old and his best friend go to the same daycare. They spend all day together and the first thing they do once they’re home is to play outside in the yard. Our yards, I should say, because there is no fence separating their yard and our yard.
Then comes a quick dinner break, and they’re out playing until it gets dark out. They’re inseparable. Sometimes our five-year-old neighbor will wait on our deck, just staring at us eating dinner, waiting patiently, sometimes impatiently, for my son to come back out.
They always give each other a hug at the end of the day.
“Huggies”, they say, wave goodbye, and do it all over again the next day. They’ve been living in a blissful world, the two of them, free of worry. Free of heartbreak.
My son had told me earlier he was so excited for the two of them to start kindergarten together, but this week, a “Coming Soon” sign was placed on our neighbor’s front yard. Today, it was replaced with a “For Sale” sign.
It’ll sell immediately. Before we know it, a new family will move in and my son’s best friend will be very far away.
It breaks my heart, and I know it for sure breaks the two five-year-olds.
I asked our neighbor if he was excited to move into his new house. The usually outgoing child, full of jokes and always smiling with his entire face, said no, because he was sad to leave. Before putting my child to bed that same night, my son told me he was sad, too.
I told them both it’s ok to be sad.
Us against the world
First friends, especially first best friends, are very special, and you may even remember them for life. I got my first best friend when I was five, so I knew the feeling of having a BFF at a very young age.
It’s you and them against the world.
My best friend and I grew apart and moved in different locations eventually, but we stayed best friends for well over a decade and we are still close-ish. But she lives in Norway and I live in the United States, we’re both busy with kids so sadly, we don’t meet too often anymore.
Many of my fondest early memories are with her, and I can’t imagine my childhood without those memories. We were running around in the yard, playing tag. We were baking cookies. Picking wildflowers. We had lemon stands, collecting coins. When we got older, we joined in on each other’s family vacations. We went to the beach. We were thrilled when we got our first cellphones around the same time, a Nokia 3210, using it only to play snake (anyone else feeling old?). We had a lot of carefree fun.
New territory
Her heart or my heart was never broken because of a move. We always stayed in the same school district and went to the same schools throughout high school. This thing with my son’s best friend moving very, very far away is new territory for me.
What I do know is as hard as it might be, like many things in life, it tends to get better over time. Not always, but in this case, I believe it will. And letting it take time can be a good thing. Allowing time to be sad, remembering the good moments, and actually also remember there are worse things that can happen. Although it is a heartbreak for sure, they are both likely to grow up treasuring that early bond they had.
Before moving to the United States, we said goodbye to a lot of people. Some of which we’ve lost touch with, and others which we visit during vacations overseas. I didn’t think I’d end up getting a new network of as good friends as we had back in Norway, but thankfully, I was wrong.
Whoever decides to become our new neighbors (I will keep you updated because cars are lining up to buy the house) will not in a million years replace that special bond my son has with his best friend who is moving very, very far away. I can only hope both my son and our soon-to-be old neighbor will create new memories with new neighbors and remember all the good, old days of rolling down our backyard hill filled with grass and dandelions.
I remember being SO upset when I had to leave my best friend due to a move when I was around seven. It was heartbreaking. Thankfully, we get over these things more easily as a child. Thanks for sharing your story. :)