True friends are not those you show off on social media
I don’t have many friends, only a handful of very close ones
I don’t have many friends.
For someone who has crossed 50 years of age, it's not uncommon to notice a gradual decline in the number of friends. This phenomenon can be even more pronounced as we step into our retirement. When our hair greys out, the weight of loneliness and sadness can settle in fast, and the absence of friends can intensify the isolation, creating an emotional void that is difficult to fill.
For men like me, it can be a struggle to get through the weekends without engaging in solitude, personal hobbies and plentiful writing. Without friends and family, the days can stretch out, seeming empty and devoid of purpose. Each day brings a sense of emptiness, where time feels stagnant and the hours can seem endless.
In life, true friends are not those with an elite status for you to show off on Facebook or Instagram. Such friendships may appear influential on the surface, but they often lack the depth and authenticity that are essential for genuine connections. True friendship goes beyond status and class. They are those with whom you can be your true self without any pretences or masks. They may not be those whom you are ready to Instagram about, but they are those who would accept you for who you are, flaws and all. In their presence, you find solace, knowing that you are genuinely seen and heard.
I don’t have many friends. I only have a couple whom I know from my National Service (NS) days. I recently joined them to celebrate one of our member’s birthday. It wasn’t a lavish celebration, only a brief gathering around the neighbourhood for beers and chat. We have known each other since the first day of our NS enlistment in the Singapore Army. That was in 1992, more than 30 years ago. It was an unlikely bond that I had never thought would last a lifetime.
The Army, in its wisdom, thrust us into a world of challenges, pushing us to our limits and testing our mettle. The gruelling military training forced fellow teammates to stand side by side. In the face of joint hardship and adversity, our differences faded, and unity prevailed. Through thick and thin, we became comrades in arms, and we shared our burdens to weather the storm with a common mission. Each one of us became an integral part of a resilient team with shared experiences and unyielding camaraderie.
This is the kind of bond you can never forge elsewhere, only in the military. Drawn together by the call of duty, it was a journey that would shape us indelibly. The NS system in Singapore is a well-known transformative experience that either you love it or you hate it. For me, it was not only a rite of passage into adulthood but also a time I got associated with a band of brothers, bound not only by duty but by an unbreakable bond of friendship.
Till today, we still celebrate each other's birthday, and we wouldn’t hesitate to lift each other up in times of despair. Our collective experience had woven a thread of trust that ran deep within our friendship.
Our gatherings are not fancy parties at fancy restaurants or with fancy outfits. When our brothers come out to meet, they turn up in their shorts and slippers. And our gatherings are usually at a neighbourhood coffee shop, and the only thing one can expect is a bucket of beers. Even for a birthday celebration, it is done without a birthday cake, no blowing of candles, no gifts and no frills. Only plenty of beers and brotherhood love.
As the frothy golden liquid fills the rim, so does the spirit. After some bottoms-up, lively conversations took centre stage, from current affairs arguments to reminiscence of our NS moments. It was a great time to catch up with one another and to fill our moment with men’s chatter and laughter.
Clearly, the birthday celebration was only an excuse for the men to apply time off from their wives so that they could gather for a moment of respite away from their monotonous life. To drink to their heart’s content without hearing the nags and to talk about anything under the sun without fear or favours.
Ladies and wives might find men at such gatherings to be dirty old men or other forms of derogatory creatures and restrict their husbands from participating, but it is a choice we have to make. Many of our brothers have left us for one reason or another, but I have chosen to stay. I don’t have many true friends of high standing; I have only these few from my younger days. They may not be able to bring me to higher places. But we can always count on each other to cheer one another up during our darkest hours.
As we navigate the highs and lows of our lives, we must recognize the significance of true friendship and surround ourselves with those who will be there for us through thick and thin. These are the friends who will provide unwavering support and make life's burdens lighter. In the tapestry of friendship, it is the friends who weather the storms alongside us that truly shine and leave an indelible mark on our hearts.
I don’t have many friends. But I managed to keep several diehard ones.
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