Best Friends Are Those Who Understand Each Other Without Words

Best friends forever

Photo by Elijah M. Henderson on Unsplash

I often desire to have someone to talk to when I am troubled or a person to confide in when I am sad. But in reality, there isn’t anyone with who I can speak openly without fear of being judged or teased.

How many friends in your phone list are readily available for you to chat with in times of need?

This is a cruel world and it is not easy to find true friends. Friends who would gladly wake up from their sleep without complaint or the need for you to apologize for disturbing their personal space. Of course, you have to be a close friend to look them up in the middle of the night, otherwise, it would be very disrespectful to do so.

There are all kinds of concerns and considerations for not wanting to talk to another person, particularly for men.

Much like if you don't trust the other party enough, you will be hesitant in telling them things for fear you will be judged. Or you are afraid that they might say you are weak or crazy.

So in the end, you end up sucking up your own sadness and becoming your own best friend.

The best state of human relationship: Being comfortable with each other in silence or endless chatter.

Cherish those who care

Once, Faye Wong, a Hong Kong movie star, was in a bad mood after a breakup, she asked her good friend, Carina Lau, out. The two just sat in the cafe for 45 minutes without saying a word, and then went home separately. All Faye wanted was for her friend to accompany her, and Carina understood.

If you have friends who can accompany you when you are down and empathize with your situation, cherish them! Because there are not many such people around. The others who happen to be with you, may not truly empathize with your tears, all they want is for you to quickly shut up or stop complaining.

When you are offended, they stood up for the other party instead, comment on your fault, and give a bunch of reasons to make you feel lousier. Even if they are morally right, one should empathize with your friend first before talking about reasons later.

Cherish those who comfort you when you are angry, rejoice with you when you are happy, and tear with you when you are sad.

Distance from those who couldn’t be bothered

There will be some people who only want you to listen to them but has no interest in listening to you. If you meet this kind of person with a couldn’t-be-bothered attitude, step away, don’t bother. It isn’t worth your time and it isn’t your job to rehabilitate them.

The truthful words you want to say should only be told to those who sincerely want to hear them! Not to those who never listen yet constantly demand your attention, draining your precious energy with their endless problems. Or to those who never empathize and would use your words against you at times.

Marriage without soul

The most dreadful loneliness is when your partner can't empathize with your feelings, and you have to tell yourself that this is how it is, and that's the norm for everyone.

When your married life becomes speechless, or when one wants to talk but the other doesn't want to listen, life for you and your spouse would slip into a cycle of dilemma. Outside seems like a lovely couple but inside, both are unhappy.

Much like high school roommates, stay together but have no connection, ready to leave at a moment's notice. Such is a marriage without soul, so indifferent and alienated. It is not uncommon, I have buddies whose marriages are just like this; husband and wife haven’t spoken to each other for years despite staying under the same roof. Communication between them goes through their children. “Tell your dad to fix the toilet” or “ask your mum to buy lunch”, such were a common language with their children. They are not divorced but they are not exactly together. I know them better than their wives.

It takes two to tango

In a healthy marriage, it is not enough for one party to work hard, it takes two to tango. And often, what your partner truly needs is just a little more attention, and both have to take turns to be the caring partner.

Especially when you get to a certain age, you will start to talk less, because you have seen what it is like in this cruel world and you are afraid of being judged or worst, being taken as a joke. An ingredient to become the gossip of the town or something for others to use against you in the future.

So you choose to go with it alone. It's simply too hard to find soulmates. If you do find one or two, don’t take them for granted, cherish them, otherwise, you have only yourself to be your own listener and solve your own problems.

My thoughts

As we age, we have to be more trusting and sociable; develop deeper friendships with the few people around us. Understand that relationship is everything about give and take, sometimes more give than take. Don’t be stingy with your money and time. Spend them generously on building meaningful relationships with people you love.

We already have little friends, and if we continue to be stuck up, it would be devastating to discover that there is no one around willing to lend us a listening ear or give a pat on our shoulder during those crucial moments in our life.

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